I was growing weary. I was fresh from the ‘frying pan’ of having two lively preschool children at home into the ‘fire’ of navigating school life with my eldest daughter. It had only been a couple of years into this new era but I was becoming more aware of the humanistic, postmodern ideologies and philosophies that were creeping into the education system, even at such a young age. My knowledge of the increasing confusion and mental health struggles experienced by the younger generation only served to exacerbate my sense of overwhelm.
The call on my life as a mother to nurture and disciple my children both thrilled and terrified me. My greatest hope for their lives was that they would wholeheartedly declare along with the Apostle Peter- “Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:68-69) As parents we all want the best for our children. Personally, when all is said and done, the best I have to give is guiding them to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus.
It was truly a joy and delight to share my love for Christ with them, but I was growing weary of the societal push back against even basic truths founded on Christian belief. The words of Deuteronomy 6 preoccupied my mind and I wrestled with the feasibility of being able to teach my children diligently. The world around me (sometimes within my own home) seemed hell bent on contradicting my efforts at every turn.
I would bemoan at times to my mum about how hard parenting in the current climate was, feeling indignant that I had been chosen to parent in what seemed to be an intensely ‘hostile to the gospel’ environment. She would encourage me to trust God and pray, but those conversations often left me thinking; It’s okay for you to say just trust God and pray…you didn’t have X, Y and Z happening when I was younger. THIS wasn’t being taught in schools when I was a child. THIS was never an issue as I grew up. Everybody was not “speaking their truth!!!”
But one day at home I was listening to a seasoned bible teacher online. He shared his joy at the recent birth of his grandson, and that he had received a lot of comments from well-meaning friends lamenting the strange new world his grandson would be growing up in. His reply was this; “I thanked my friends for their concern, but told them I was excited to welcome my grandson into the world…after all, he was born for such a time as this. God knew what He was doing bringing him into this world”.
I stopped washing the dishes and felt deep conviction working in my heart. His simple statement of profound trust in the sovereignty and providence of God in his grandson's life brought me to repentance as I realised the lie I had been believing.
I had believed the lie that I alone was responsible for discipling and raising my children. That I had to just grit my teeth, pray and hope that everything would be okay. I had forgotten that these were actually God’s children gifted to me to take care of. All of the frustration, sadness and overwhelm I had accepted as my ‘parental lot in life’ revealed a deep lack of trust in God.
He was the one who carefully knit them together in my womb, who meticulously planned out and purposed who they were destined to be. He was the one who breathed life into them and decided the day of their birth.
‘For it was you who created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous,
and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began.’ (Psalm 139: 13-16 CSB)
As God prepared the children of previous generations to withstand the unique immorality and temptations they faced-He will continue to do here and now. He is the Lord, He does not change. Mothers, if we truly believe the miraculous reality that God knit our children together in our wombs…then why do we doubt the timing of their lives, the society they have been born into, His ability to save them and draw them to Himself?
As Psalm 33:11 reassures our renewed hearts; ‘the counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart from generation to generation’. These are truths we must remind ourselves of daily, especially when fear and alarm rise up in our hearts. When the latest ungodly trend rears its ugly head, and scaremongering news headlines threaten to saturate our thoughts.
The biggest battle as parents is often in our own minds. If fear and doubt have free reign it can lead to angry fear based reactions, overbearing caregiving, and dictatorial parenting.
‘God is our refuge and strength,
a helper who is always found
in times of trouble.Therefore we will not be afraid,
though the earth trembles
and the mountains topple
into the depths of the seas,
though its water roars and foams
and the mountains quake with its turmoil. SelahThere is a river—
its streams delight the city of God,
the holy dwelling place of the Most High.God is within her; she will not be toppled.
God will help her when the morning dawns.’( Psalm 46: 1-5 CSB)
So what can we do when weariness seeks to overwhelm our hearts? When our children seem surrounded by trouble on every side? When the cultural odds look like they are stacked against us and our faith in God?
We can remember the strong words of Christ to His disciples to let the children come to Him and to not hinder them (see Matthew 19). Jesus knew the needs of those children. He knows the needs of our children better than we do. We can remember that the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. We can persevere in prayer, asking Jesus to lay His hands on them and bless them. We have the assurance that He will not turn them away.
I am convinced that 90% of parenting is practising humility-learning how to pray for our children and commit them into God’s hands.
We can ask God for wisdom without doubting whether we’ll receive it. We can gather with two or three others regularly to pray, believing God is with us. We can come daily before His throne of grace and find help in our times of need. We can delight ourselves in the Lord and rejoice in Him who strengthens us for the parenting long haul. We can embrace our parental weaknesses and thank Him for His strength. His grace for parents is and always will be sufficient.
The body of Christ and the fellowship of other believers through our church family is vital as we seek to love, nurture, and disciple our children in the Lord. There is no need for lone rangers or wandering sheep in the kingdom of God. Let us glean from parents who have gone before us; those with stories of God’s faithfulness to their grown children to share, and years of hard earned wisdom to impart. Seek them out and be intentional to listen and learn.
The struggle to trust God with my children is real. Nevertheless, in my heart I have determined to daily cast my care about the future of my children upon Him- because His sacrifice on the cross has already proven His care for me and my family. They are His children that have been entrusted to me. I pray that I am able to rest in the knowledge that He created them for such a time as this.
Be comforted dear parent, that His eye is on our children. He will be faithful to them, even when we and the ways of this world are not.
‘Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight. Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.’ ( Luke 12:6-7 CSB)
Ishah, this grandma appreciates your post as well. I despair of the influences my 5 grandchildren are growing up with and then need to remember that God is bigger and has a plan and purpose for their lives, which I can continually declare and claim for them.
Thank you for this encouraging perspective.
My mamma heart is with you! Though the culture surrounding my children is vastly different than what I grew up in, I have learned to praise the Lord for it. No coasting and being a comfortable Christian. no choice to ignore hard things or have ignorant belief. They've got to wrestle and we get to walk with them as they do.
Also "If fear and doubt have free rein it can lead to angry fear based reactions, overbearing caregiving, and dictatorial parenting." brilliantly said!