40 Years

Of faithfulness

Photo by Diliara Garifullina on Unsplash

Any significant or ‘milestone’ birthday can naturally lead to some reflective thinking about the season of life you are in, or what the next stage of life might bring. As I turned 40 recently, I wanted to mark the occasion—a stone of remembrance of sorts— by writing. I wanted to thank God for all He has done in my life and for how He has revealed Himself to me over the years. I have spent the last couple of weeks mulling over what to write about. 

I could write about Him drawing me to Himself from my childhood, igniting faith in my young heart in the midst of upheaval and family turmoil. I could write about answers to many prayers, supernatural protection and provision, physical and emotional healing, deliverance from a phobia and powerful experiences of His love and presence. I could also write about His forgiveness, grace and mercy towards me in spite of the unforgiving, ungracious and unmerciful attitudes lurking in my own heart. 

Ultimately, all of the above boiled down to one characteristic of God - His faithfulness. Throughout everything He has never left me or forsaken me. Yes, I have felt abandoned at times. I have felt alone and discouraged, cast aside. I have questioned God’s faithfulness and His plans for my life. But time has proven His faithfulness. In my wandering He has faithfully led me back to Himself. In times of confusion and chaos He has eventually brought clarity and purpose. In moments of despair He has been my hope. 

He has been faithful to Father me in the wilful absence of my own. Redeeming my sense of fatherlessness when my mum remarried a godly, faithful man who bravely took up the challenge to become a father to me and my brother. 

He has been faithful to help me know and experience the true friendship of Christ. He is the friend who will never talk spitefully about me behind my back. The friend who won’t suddenly reject me. The friend who is loyal, loving and completely understanding. A friend I can be myself around and sit in silence with.

He has been faithful to bring encouragement in distinct and personal ways when I desperately needed it. 

He has been faithful to walk with me through significant relational difficulties and trauma. In deep disappointment and painful rejection He encouraged my heart and drew me near. 

He has been faithful to convict me of sin and bring discipline through different circumstances in my life and by the sharp edge of His word. 

He has been faithful to draw me out of unhealthy christian communities and into healthier biblically sound ones. 

He has been faithful to help me grow in understanding and knowing His word, to recognise His voice and to follow Him. 

He has been faithful to teach me how to pray. 

He has been faithful to strengthen me in times of sickness and in health. 

He has nudged others to pray and intercede on my behalf, some of whom I may never meet in this life. 

He has been faithful in giving me a praying, strong and faith filled mum. 

He has been faithful throughout my journey into motherhood; through stressful pregnancies and c-section deliveries to undiagnosed postnatal depression, anxiety and chronic loneliness. He held my hand throughout it all. He continues to faithfully lead me in how to parent my growing children and teach them His ways diligently. 

I could go on, but I won’t. Here lies my stone of remembrance to God, laid down as a written testimony of His faithfulness. 

As one well known hymn states, ‘the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; God’s mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, new every morning; great is Your faithfulness, O Lord, great is Your faithfulness’.